How to Strengthen Your Relationship as They Step into Adulthood
There’s something uniquely tender—and sometimes confusing—about parenting a child who’s no longer a child. When your son or daughter enters their 20s, the relationship often shifts. Maybe you feel distant, unsure how to connect, or even left behind as they find their own way. If you’ve found yourself wondering, “How do I reconnect with my adult child?”—you’re not alone.
Whether you’re rebuilding closeness or just wanting to feel more involved again, reconnecting with your 20-something child is possible—and meaningful.
Why Your Relationship Might Feel Different Now
Your child’s 20s are a time of immense change. They’re figuring out their career, relationships, values, identity—and maybe even where they belong in the world. This period of “emerging adulthood” can create distance, even when there’s no conflict.
- The Push-Pull of Independence – It’s completely natural for young adults to want more autonomy. They might share less, ask for fewer opinions, or prioritise friends and partners. This isn’t rejection, it’s a part of becoming their own person.
- Shifts in Communication Style – Where you once got the play-by-play of their day, now you might get the occasional text or quick catch-up. Learning how they communicate as an adult is part of finding a new rhythm together.
The Importance of Reconnecting During Their 20s
While your child is growing into adulthood, your relationship is growing too. This time is an opportunity to lay the foundation for a rich, respectful adult-to-adult bond.
- Connection Builds Emotional Safety – Reconnection allows your child to feel they can come to you, not just when things go wrong, but for everyday chats and deeper support.
- Strong Bonds Reduce Long-Term Conflict – Families who intentionally nurture their adult relationships are more resilient during future life transitions like career struggles, relationships breakdowns, or becoming parents themselves.
Practical Tips to Reconnect with Your 20-Something Child
Rebuilding connection doesn’t mean forcing closeness, it’s about creating space for it to grow naturally. Here are some gentle, intentional ways to start:
- Let Curiosity Lead, Not Control – Instead of offering advice right away, ask open-ended questions. Try, “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What’s something you’ve been excited about recently?”
- Respect Their Space—and Keep Showing Up – It can take time for a young adult to warm up to deeper connection again. Be consistent without being overbearing. A simple message or check-in goes a long way.
- Share More About You, Too – Opening up about your own thoughts, challenges, or funny stories builds mutuality. They’re learning who you are now, too.
- Create Shared Moments – Connection doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful every time. A coffee date, a walk, or even watching a show together can open the door to more.
When There’s Been Hurt or Disconnection
Sometimes the distance is about more than just growing up. Maybe there’s been tension, misunderstanding, or hurt between you.
- Start with Repair, Not Expectation – It’s okay to name the elephant gently: “I know we’ve been a bit out of sync lately. I really care about our relationship and would love to understand how you’ve been feeling.”
- Seek Support If Needed – Family therapy or speaking with a psychologist can be a safe space to work through deeper dynamics if the disconnection feels stuck.
Connection That Evolves With Time
Reconnecting with your 20-something child isn’t about going back—it’s about going forward. This stage is a doorway into a new kind of closeness: one built on trust, curiosity, and mutual respect.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent. Just a present one.
Looking for more guidance on parenting young adults?
Consider speaking with one of our psychologists who specialise in family relationships and young adult transitions. We’re here to support you and your family through every season.
Written by Clinical Psychologist Rebecca Deane – www.creatingchange.net.au
Psychology support in the Hills District, Western Sydney & Surrounds (including Rouse Hill, Bella Vista, Glenwood, Castle Hill, Kellyville, The Hawkesbury, Penrith Nepean, Blacktown, Epping, Ryde, Pennant Hills areas and surrounds)
