They tend to wait until the last minute before starting school work. Is my child a perfectionist? Is this a problem or a strength?

Perfectionism in children refers to the tendency to set unrealistically high standards for oneself and to strive for flawlessness in various areas of life. While a certain degree of striving for excellence can be beneficial, extreme perfectionism can have negative effects on a child’s well-being and development. In Australia, studies suggest that perfectionism is prevalent among children, with approximately 25-30% of children exhibiting perfectionistic tendencies (Australian Psychological Society). Perfectionistic children often experience intense self-criticism, fear of failure, and a strong need for approval. They may engage in excessive self-imposed pressure, avoid taking risks, and experience elevated stress levels.

Checklist for Signs of Perfectionism in Your Child

Check the below signs that you have noticed in your child:

Setting excessively high expectations for yourself in various areas of life, such as academics, work, relationships, or personal achievements.

Experiencing intense fear or anxiety about making mistakes or falling short of your own or others’ expectations.

Engaging in black-and-white thinking, believing that anything less than perfection is a failure.

Being overly self-critical and judgmental of your own performance, often focusing on perceived flaws or mistakes.

Avoiding starting or completing tasks due to the fear of not meeting your own perfectionistic standards.

Becoming excessively focused on small details, often at the expense of overall progress or completion of tasks.

Holding high expectations for others and becoming frustrated or critical when they do not meet those standards.

Noticing that perfectionism is causing distress, affecting self-esteem, relationships, or overall life satisfaction.

Struggling to accept feedback or criticism, taking it as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth.

Spending excessive amounts of time and effort on tasks, often neglecting self-care, rest, or leisure activities.

Need for External Validation: Relying heavily on external praise, approval, or recognition to feel satisfied with your accomplishments.

What Should You Do?

Here’s our Psychologists’ advice for addressing trust Issues in your relationship.

Open and Honest Communication
Positive reinforcement.
Consistent discipline.
Effective communication.
Model positive behavior.
Structure and routine.
Teach emotional regulation skills.
Collaborate with school and professionals.
Quality time and bonding.

Remember that changing behavior takes time and consistency. Be patient, offer guidance and support, and seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed or if the behavior persists despite your efforts. Working together with your child, you can help them develop positive behaviours and navigate challenges more effectively.

It’s important to remember that experiencing some of these signs does not necessarily indicate a behavioral problem, as children can exhibit challenging behaviors from time to time. However, if you observe persistent or concerning patterns that significantly impact your child’s daily functioning, academic performance, or relationships, it is recommended to seek professional help. A psychologist can conduct a comprehensive assessment, provide a diagnosis if necessary, and offer appropriate guidance and support to help your child manage their behavior and improve their overall well-being.

What Should You Do?

Here’s our Psychologists’ advice for addressing trust Issues in your relationship.

Open and Honest Communication
- Create a safe space for open dialogue about your feelings and concerns related to trust.
- Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming your partner (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”).
- Listen actively to your partner’s perspective without interrupting or judging.
Build Transparency
- Share your daily activities, plans, and whereabouts with your partner.
- Encourage your partner to do the same, establishing a routine of transparency.
- Avoid hiding details or keeping secrets that could lead to suspicion.
Follow Through on Promises
- Ensure that you keep your promises and commitments to your partner.
- Demonstrate reliability through consistent actions that align with your words.
- Encourage your partner to also follow through on their promises.
Create a Supportive Environment
- Be empathetic towards your partner’s feelings and experiences, especially if they’ve been hurt before.
- Validate their emotions and show that you understand their perspective.
- Practice patience and kindness during difficult conversations.
Seek Professional Help
- Seek the help of a couples therapist to address deep-seated trust issues.
- A therapist can provide guidance, tools, and strategies to rebuild trust effectively.
- Therapy can also facilitate open and structured communication.

By focusing on these top tips, you can take proactive steps towards rebuilding trust in your relationship. Remember that restoring trust takes time, effort, and consistent actions from both partners. If you’ve tried some of these tactics and feel like you’re getting no-where, seek support from our Relationship & Couples Psychologists, and get your relationship back on track fast. We often find that the longer you leave it, the harder it can be to restore trust.

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If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, contact crisis support services such as Lifeline (13 11 14), the Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or the NSW Mental Health Line (1800 011 511).

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