Navigating Separation: Practical Steps for Parents, Co-Parenting & Healing | Hills District Psychologists
The moment you realise you’re about to separate can feel like the floor drops away. One Tuesday night at the kitchen bench, “Katie” heard the words: “I don’t think this is working.” In an instant, everyday worries were replaced by the enormity of separation. Telling the children, where each person would live, how to afford two homes, who gets the dog, how we will co-parent after separation and what happens at Christmas. Grief tangled with shock; sleep vanished, meals were skipped, and her mind raced with questions about co-parenting, school routines, and whether she could manage on her own.
No one pictures themselves here. Whether your relationship ended overnight or slowly faded, the grief is real, the logistics are hard, and the future can feel uncertain. If you’re reading this, you’re likely trying to keep life moving while your heart (and household) are in pieces. You’re not alone and there is a way to steady things for you and your family.
The First Wave: Immediate Challenges
In the early weeks, life can feel like a full-time job of decisions and difficult conversations. Common pressure points include:
- Managing your own feeling anger, hurt, betrayal, and fear of the unknown
- Telling your children the relationship is ending
- Organising shared time and routines for the kids
- Managing finances, perhaps for the first time
- Deciding where to live and who moves out
- Supporting your children’s emotions
The Second Wave: Ongoing Realities
Even once the dust settles, new challenges keep showing up:
- Establishing a new home that feels safe and yours
- Co-parenting with an ex (especially when communication is tough)
- Legal processes around care and financial settlement
- Navigating birthdays, Christmas, Ramadan, Easter, and other special days
- Grieving the loss of the family unit you imagined
- Doing life solo emotionally, practically, and financially
- Drifting from couple and family friends who don’t quite know how to include you
If any of this sounds familiar, take a breath. Many have walked this road before you. At Creating Change, we’ve provided separation support countless families to rebuild a different and still deeply meaningful life.
What Helps Now
Discover a New Family Structure
- Name what you value about family (stability, kindness, shared meals, fun). Let these values guide decisions.
- Focus on what you do have, the ability to be present, rituals you can keep, people who show up.
Start Small, Hopeful Traditions
Choose one new tradition that’s realistic and repeatable:
- Weekly – movie night, Sunday breaky, a short walk after dinner
- Monthly – games night with another solo-parent family
- Yearly – watch the CBD Christmas tree lighting, a picnic on Mother’s or Father’s Day
Re-meet Yourself
- List your strengths (even the quiet ones) and one area to develop.
- Open to possibility. What’s one opportunity this change creates?
- Create a self-care & growth plan (sleep, movement, support, something just for you).
Rebuild Routine (including kid-free time)
- Plan the week ahead including meals, transport, homework windows.
- Write a family schedule and stick it on the fridge.
- Do shopping and administration tasks when you don’t have the kids to free up connection time when you do.
Grow Your Social Net
- Try one new activity this month; say yes to something small.
- Text or call two people you trust and ask for a coffee, a walk, or help with a task.
Protect Your Perspective
Adopt a growth mindset:
- Tough things can happen and I can keep moving forward.
- I’m learning; things can improve.
- Challenges are practice, not proof that I’m failing.
How Creating Change Can Support You
- Co-parenting support including practical communication tools, parenting, and ways to reduce conflict around handovers and special events. 7 Parenting Tips for Separation
- Child-focused care helping kids name big feelings, feel safe, and adjust to two homes.
- Personal therapy for grief, anger, betrayal, anxiety, decision-making, and rebuilding identity.
- Future planning such as values-based choices, energy management, and routines that sustain you.
You don’t have to manage this alone. With the right support, families do adapt, children regain their footing, and life grows again in new directions.
Remember…
Separation changes many things but it doesn’t remove your capacity to love your children, to build stability, or to feel joy again. Start small. Choose one action this week that brings order, one that builds connection, and one that nurtures you.
Written by Clinical Psychologist Rebecca Deane – www.creatingchange.net.au
Psychology support in the Hills District, Western Sydney & Surrounds (including Rouse Hill, Bella Vista, Glenwood, Castle Hill, Kellyville, The Hawkesbury, Penrith Nepean, Blacktown, Epping, Ryde, Pennant Hills areas and surrounds)
