Finding Hope When the Joy Feels Lost.
“I love my child… but I don’t enjoy being a parent anymore.”
It’s a painful thought but one many parents are too afraid to say out loud. But if this is how you’re feeling, please know, you are not alone.
Meet Emma, mum to 9-year-old Luca.
Luca is bright, funny, and fiercely independent. But for the past few years, every day has felt like a battlefield. Simple things such as getting dressed, turning off the iPad, brushing teeth become explosive. Emma wakes up bracing herself for the first outburst before breakfast. And no matter how gently, firmly, or calmly she approaches him, Luca pushes back. Hard.
There are moments Emma feels like she’s walking on eggshells in her own home. She feels exhausted before the day has begun. Sometimes, she can’t even remember the last time she laughed with her son.
She loves him deeply. But she dreads the noise, the arguing, the tension that now fills their home.
At school, the calls keep coming. “Luca is disruptive again.” “He refused to do the task.” “We need to meet.” And while she knows her son isn’t ‘bad’, she also knows he’s misunderstood. She’s tried parenting courses, strategies from books, reward charts, consequences it feels like everything. Yet here she is, still struggling.
When Parenting Feels Like a Burden
It’s not that you’ve stopped caring. It’s that the effort has started to feel like it outweighs the reward. You’re not just physically tired, you’re emotionally tired. The kind that comes from constant conflict, from questioning every decision, from feeling judged by others who just don’t understand.
You may feel…
- Guilt – wondering if you’ve failed them somehow.
- Shame – fearing others think you’re just “not strict enough.”
- Grief – mourning the connection you once had with your child.
- Loneliness – because parenting a child with big behaviours can be incredibly isolating.
And maybe, like Emma, you’ve stopped looking forward to the everyday parts of parenting. Maybe there’s even a small voice inside asking, “What if it never gets better?”
You Deserve to Be Supported Too
Here’s what we want you to hear. Your experience matters. And the pain you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, it means you’ve been trying really hard, for a really long time, without the right support.
Children with oppositional and defiant behaviours aren’t simply “naughty” or “difficult.” They often experience emotional dysregulation, anxiety, trauma, or sensory sensitivities. Their outbursts are communication, not manipulation. But that doesn’t make it any less exhausting for the parent on the receiving end.
What Helps When Nothing Seems to Work?
- Shift the Lens from Behaviour to Connection
Instead of focusing solely on consequences, focus on understanding. What’s behind the defiance? What unmet need is your child expressing? - Find Your Support Team
You don’t need to do this alone. Parenting a child with ODD-like behaviours requires a wraparound approach. That includes experienced psychologists, school collaboration, and sometimes medical or occupational therapy input. - Give Yourself Permission to Feel
You’re allowed to grieve the parenting experience you imagined. You’re allowed to be angry, frustrated, even resentful. These feelings are valid and they need space too. - Get Back to the Small Moments
A smile. A shared joke. A quiet cuddle. These may feel rare right now, but they’re still there. With support, they can become more frequent again.
Holding On to Hope
Emma came to therapy not because she’d “given up”, but because she was ready for something to change. Through trauma-informed, family-centred support, she began to rebuild her connection with Luca. She learned how to recognise his triggers, how to repair after meltdowns, and most importantly, how to look after herself again.
The journey wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
At Creating Change Psychology, we see you. We understand the exhaustion, the guilt, the aching love beneath the struggle. And we’re here to walk alongside you.
You deserve to enjoy parenting again. And your child deserves to be understood, not just managed. Let’s help you both get there.
Feeling overwhelmed or alone in your parenting journey?
You don’t have to face it by yourself. Our warm and experienced team of psychologists is here to walk alongside you whether you’re navigating the daily struggles of ODD, emotional outbursts, or behavioural challenges. Reach out today, and let’s take that first step together toward calm, connection, and hope. Call us on 02 8883 3185 or email us below.
Written by Clinical Psychologist Rebecca Deane – www.creatingchange.net.au
Psychology support in the Hills District, Western Sydney & Surrounds (including Rouse Hill, Bella Vista, Glenwood, Castle Hill, Kellyville, The Hawkesbury, Penrith Nepean, Blacktown, Epping, Ryde, Pennant Hills areas and surrounds)
